When we are younger we adapt easily to change. We bounce back from pitfalls, recover from personal and financial losses, barely skipping a beat. The security of youth is in youth itself. We have very little to lose and everything to gain. This is the time in life to take chances.If things don’t work out, the resilient young can try something different, something new. This applies to places, employment, things and people.

As we get older we get more settled in our lives. Our security comes form familiarity. For the most part we either like what we have or we’ve resigned ourselves to accept what we have. We don’t go looking for changes. Friendship is a big part of this security. Before marriage you had friends that were just yours. You related to them, socialized with them as a single person. After marriage you then acquired “our” friends, friends that were also married and had similar interests. Most of the friends you had when single no longer “fit” into your new life. It’s sad but eventually you go your separate ways.

Divorce has a way of killing these marriage friendships. As you come closer to divorce, those friends are torn between the two of you. They have their opinions but don’t want to get into the middle. As time goes on you are invited to less social engagements because you are no longer a couple, you not longer “fit” into their lives. Unfortunately, this is the time in your life when you need friends for support more than ever. Again you go your separate ways as you did with the friends of your youth. But this time it feels like you are getting a divorce from your friends.

The older we are the harder it is to recover from loss of friendships. We have less time in our lives for the nurturing involved in creating a new friendship. Some even feel they are not worthy of friendship, their self- esteem being so low. This situation has the potential of creating some very lonely older people.

Those who divorce need to recover some of the resilient nature of their youth. You must go out and actively pursue friendship. They won’t come to you. You should get out and socialize. Even if you are not ready to date you need friendship and companionship. Your relationships with your family, religious and community groups will help. Join or start a divorce support group. Just like in your youth and marriage you should gravitate towards people with similar lifestyles and interests.

This time will be different. You have experienced from your past that friendships should not be disposable. You will pick friends that match your heart and soul as well as your lifestyle. Whether you or your friend are part of a couple or not should not affect a real friendship. We all want to be accepted for who we are, non-conditionally. These friendships will last your lifetime and they will not be fair weather friends. You know now what you want and don’t want in a friend.

It’s up to you to make it happen.