I am heartbroken. A week ago I learned my wife-to-be cheated on me. We have lived together for two years and have a beautiful baby boy. We planned to get married next year. We even have a marriage license.

About three months ago I found a chat she had with a guy that worked with her. The chat was very explicit. She spent an afternoon with this guy at a friend's house "doing her hair" she said. She swore to me nothing happened.

She was so upset I accused her of an affair she went to her mom's for a few days. When I asked again if she had any relations, she looked me in the face and said no.

I tried to work things out. I took more time to be with her. I avoided accusatory statements and focused on our baby. I wanted to believe her. Then I found an email she sent a friend explaining in detail her affair.

My heart was ripped from the inside out. That night I asked her about it. First she denied it, then she told me I couldn't handle the truth. I said, "Try me." She admitted what happened, but I did not hear from her a word of remorse.

She left days later to her mother's, not even saying a word. We are now involved in a custody battle. She is younger than me and came from her mother's house to my house. She does not know how to handle money or keep a house clean. Since the baby was born, I took care of him at night and her mother during the day.

I adore my little boy, and it breaks my heart we are not going to be a stable family. We do not talk. We simply swap our son every other day until the court decides what is going to happen.

I would give my life to go back six months and prevent this. What do I do? For the sake of our son I know we have to have some kind of relationship, but I feel betrayed. She swore she would never do this to me. My last marriage ended in a similar way.

Kyle


Kyle, going back in time would not change who she is. The signs were there, but out of your want and need you pressed ahead.

When signs first appear you are with someone who is not honest or responsible, you don't try to convert them. You stop dating them. That is the reason behind the dating process.

Tattoo artists warn their customers not to go ahead unless they know they can live with the result for the rest of their lives. That is the way men and women need to approach physical intimacy.

Your marital status doesn't affect your parental status. Do everything possible for your son, no matter what the quality of the relationship with his mother. Your letter shows you are a man who can do this.

Don't linger in emotional hurt. This has happened twice now, so what you are doing warrants a second look. Understand what you are doing wrong. Be willing to hold back and wait for the woman you can spend your life with.

Tamara