My husband has a mild case of Tourette Syndrome, which causes involuntary movements and unwelcome outcries. We've been married six years, and I'm not sure I can take it anymore.

His symptoms include anger, immaturity, and not linking action with consequence. He lashes out at me, then blames me for making him do it. Our daily life revolves around him acting worse than a child. The only peace is when I hide everything I feel and need.

When his Tourette's isn't acting up, he is a different person. Unfortunately, making him take his medication is like pulling teeth, and counseling is out of the question in his book. I don't believe in divorce, but this is killing me from the inside out.

To make matters worse, we have two kids. As a side note, he has never gotten physical with them, but he has with me three times.

Pauline


Pauline, you have been left holding up your husband's end of the marriage as well as your own. It isn't fair. You are not his physician, pharmacist, case worker, and motivational coach. You are his wife and partner.

Perhaps in the beginning you took up the slack in the relationship too quickly and that encouraged him to do less. Perhaps you minimized what life together would be like. Like Scarlett O'Hara in "Gone With the Wind" you said, "I'll think about that tomorrow."

Tomorrow is at hand, marriage includes two people, and it takes both to succeed. It's time for a talk, a thoughtful, calm expression of your feelings. Let your husband know the seriousness of the situation. He must understand how important it is for him to make the effort to manage his Tourette's.

The choice is his. For the sake of his marriage he can accept help and make the effort. Or like Rhett Butler, he may say, "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn." Either way you will have your answer.

Tamara