On September 11th we all shared a terrible event in our lives. For me it was twofold. I thought I was happily married up until that day.

My wife is a nurse and emergency medical technician. The morning planes crashed into the World Trade Center she called me from work, and I told her what was happening. After she got off the phone she called her fire chief and volunteered to go with an ambulance to New York City.

I wanted her to stay home with us. I feared for her safety and wanted my family close together. We have two children, nearly grown, and I am disabled. She called me back to say she had volunteered. I picked her up at work, and we argued.

My wife and I up until that day never had any serious problems. We fought through our problems and became stronger people for it. During our argument I begged her not to go. I said, "Don't you care about us any more? Don't you care about me?" She paused for a moment, then said, "No, I don't. There, I said it."

I was floored. She packed a bag and left. Three days later she had an apartment. She told the kids she did not love me and hasn't loved me for years. She only stayed because it was comfortable. I cannot work, but I got up with her every morning, made her lunch every day, and cared for the house.

We are dating now, a judge awarded me child support, but she shows no willingness to come home. I want a divorce to protect myself from being hurt again, yet my heart says stay with it until she comes home, which she will never do.

Clarence


Clarence, in moments of high emotion we act from our gut. There isn't time for guile. For a long time you feared the imbalance in your relationship. Your wife was both breadwinner and caregiver. Shock made you voice your deepest fear, shock made her voice her deepest feelings.

You told your wife to forget her job and duties. In effect, you said, "What about me!" It gave her an opening to answer you in kind. When two parties conceal their fears and true feelings, pressure keeps building for their eventual release. When the opportunity for honesty comes, the truth will come out, concise and cruel.

Tamara