Thank you for reaffirming my beliefs in your recent column. It definitely takes two to make a relationship work, but only one to end it. I have often enjoyed your columns, although for a time after my divorce, I tried skipping them feeling that I had failed at marriage.

After a marriage of 26 years, my ex-husband fell in love with someone else. It had not been an easy relationship. I worked hard in marriage counseling when he was willing, and on my own when he was not. And yet do you know how many reasonably intelligent people said to me that "it takes two to make a divorce."

Life is much easier for me now. No one criticizes me, or my choices, or my friends. I have less money but also much less stress. The time and energy I put into my marriage I can now put into life itself.

But the fact remains that I did not want the divorce and would have worked harder than ever, if I'd had the opportunity, to rebuild our marriage. Fortunately for me, that choice was never available, and I'm now enjoying life immensely. But thanks again for the reassurance.

Lisbet



Lisbet, boxing, fencing, and tennis require two players. So does marriage. When your partner refuses to show up, the game is over.

You know you did not fail. You did all you could, and it didn't work. The result? A better life for you. Most people get stuck feeling they failed, but the real mistake is believing that there is some technique which can save any relationship, even ones in which the other person refuses to show up.

You know that though your marriage did not last, you did not fail.

Wayne