I was back in love with you again
And we were together, and we were laughing
And we had decided that everything
we had ever fought about was stupid.

Stupid.

I put my hand out to touch your arm and you felt
Like silk, not real…flimsy...
Its when I realized I was in a dream
When I realized soon I’d wake up and you
Still wouldn’t be there
That I’d still be alone, and damaged
in my own unique way...
Not bitter, but not innocent any longer...

I have long since thrown away our marriage bed.

When I moved out of the house we had shared I left it on the curb.

But I kept those sheets we bought the day we eloped,
the dandelion sheets from that suburban mall
I remember every moment of that day but I remember it
all infused with the color green...
I don’t remember any words... just visions... sounds...
Us laughing right before the ceremony... nervous...
Feeling impetuous and childlike...
Like we were playing at being grown ups...
which in every sense of the word we were...

Its odd what you hold on to…what you cherish when the
rings are off and the mark they left on your skin
exists only in your mind…

I have long since realized I was in love with you.

When I expelled you from my life like a child into the
world, I was not sure.

But I’ve kept every snapshot my mind’s eye
Ever took of your face…of your hands...
That odd patch of hair that stood alone on your chest…
that huge mole on your shoulder..
Your laughter...
even that nervous laughter when you’d all but given up...
You were the one I wanted...
and everything we fought about was stupid.
Stupid.

I put out my hand and touch the emptiness and yes,
I left you for the right reasons
Just as I’d stayed with you for the right reasons.
But I’m still alone,
and damaged in my own unique way...
Not bitter, but not innocent any longer...

I have long since given up believing there is anything
more than you.